Except in marriages where there has been significant abuse or extreme hostility, mediation is a viable option.  With Divorce Resolution Now, all meetings will be online, thereby alleviating the concern to even be in the same room as your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

It is not uncommon for both parties, as they enter into the divorce process, to think negatively of the other party, in some cases even having thoughts of revenge. Mediation will never succeed with that mindset. If that mindset remains unchanged, you will surely end up with a judge making the decisions (i.e. court orders) to finalize your divorce, spending much more money in the process. Neither does portraying yourself as a “victim” (whether male or female) impress the judge to any extent. Do not ever try to persuade yourself that the judge will be on your side, as those are the ones who end up mostly disappointed.
For the most successful outcome, shift your mindset from "winning" to "resolving". One must be willing to negotiate, which means “give and take”. In mediation, trying to “get the upper hand” will usually lead to failure, but finding agreements that “both parties can live with” is the winning solution. By far, this is the best outcome for your children also. The acrimony is greatly reduced, and peacefulness can return to their lives much quicker than waiting for a court date months in the future, allowing for more time for the hostility between their parents to continue to grow.

1. Begin gathering all financial documents in your possession to exchange with your soon-to-be ex-spouse.  The basic list of documents to exchange includes the following:

– Recent federal and state tax returns
– W2s and pay stubs
– Bank account statements
– Credit card statements
–Brokerage account statements
– Insurance policies
– Retirement and investment accounts
– Mortgage statements
– Car loan statements
– Other marital assets documentation  (collections, tools, expensive “toys”, inventory, real estate, etc.)
– Valuations of any of the above

Due to the nature of the parties’ relationship, one party may be in possession of nearly all of the financial documents.  Regardless of who has them, all documents should be exchanged, or the success of the mediation will be imperiled or delayed.  If one party wants to remain in possession of a marital property (i.e. house or car), exchange whatever information that is available on valuations.  More information may be necessary to reach agreements, but this gets everyone started in the right direction.

The mediator will set ground rules before starting the mediation. If one party thinks they will somehow take control of the conversation to their benefit, the mediation will not be successful. It is up to the mediator to maintain control so that a level playing field is maintained. When negotiating to reach agreement, focus on facts, not blame. Either party can relate their concerns to the mediator without accusing the other party.

When necessary to increase understanding and/or reduce confusion regarding factual issues, therapists, or financial advisors may also be included upon agreement of both parties. If there are serious parenting concerns or mental health issues regarding the children that should be addressed, the parties may consider a child specialist to ensure their needs are front and center. It is must be agreed that the professionals brought into the process will be for use in mediation only and will not testify in court should no agreement be reached. This preserves the level playing field and strengthens continued open discussion.

Once mutual agreement is reached on all terms, the mediator will then finalize a copy of the parties’ agreement. To ensure the viability and fairness of the agreement, it is advisable to then have it reviewed by attorneys chosen by each party. The parties may agree to have the agreement reviewed at a designated interval thereafter upon the request of either party.

The agreement is then submitted to the court for approval. If written correctly and submitted in the proper form, with all necessary documentation according to the laws of that state, the court will easily approve the agreement. The parties can then focus on the healing process. They can congratulate one another for maintaining control of their divorce and not allowing anger, resentment or ill will to overtake the process. Finalizing a divorce in this manner also allows the children to begin their new living arrangements under more peaceful circumstances.