Both parties want to avoid such a scenario while simultaneously realizing that unless there is a change, at some point divorce could be inevitable.  So what are their options?  There are usually three considered that they are aware of. 

The three options they already have are; (1) to endure their marriage that will likely continue to disintegrate due to the irritations that one continues to cause to the other; (2) the beginning of a divorce that both, at least for the present, want to avoid.  Neither of those options look very pleasant for the future.

The third option is marriage counseling.  For one or both that may be unacceptable for various reasons.  The cost might be prohibitive and/or uncertain, not knowing how long counseling may last.  They may not trust the abilities and the counsel given by the counselor.  One might also feel as though they are a failure if a marriage counselor is needed, and wants to avoid it.  If one has to be “dragged” to go see a marriage counselor, results will likely be disappointing.

Divorce Resolution Now offers a fourth option; that being a frank discussion between the parties that is led by the mediator, to create a “bridge” from the old marriage to a new beginning.  The discussion is not for the parties to accuse each other, but first to allow each party to explain to the mediator what they love most about their spouse and everything their spouse does that they appreciate. Then each of the parties may explain what is most hurtful to them that is beginning to destroy their marriage.  

After both parties have made their grievances clear, each is then given an opportunity by the mediator to explain why, despite those grievances, their marriage is important to them and why they want to remain in the marriage.  

You likely have already recognized that none of this discussion would last longer than five minutes if the parties were attempting this to do this on their own without the benefit of an experienced neutral third party to lead the discussion.  Without neutral assistance, acrimony would “take over” the conversation within a few minutes.

The third and fourth steps make the difference.  Led by the mediator, each party first has the opportunity to give suggestions as to what they think would improve their marriage, including suggestions of what each party could do themselves to make such a change. 

The mediator is there to guide the conversation and to listen, not to give counsel.  The mediator’s goal is to allow the parties to open up in a civil conversation and let them decide what to do about their problems, not tell them what they should do.

The last step, the crucial one, is to discuss what each is willing to agree to do, in writing, to remedy their spouse’s grievances in the marriage, ultimately assisting the parties to reach an agreement that both are willing to abide with to promote extending their marriage.  This is also referred to as “getting down to the brass tacks”, or “where the rubber meets the road.”

The mediator then prepares a “Marriage Extension Agreement” containing the “promises” made by each party that each would voluntarily comply with to preserve their marriage.  Both parties sign off on the “contract.” 

Both parties are then well aware of the responsibilities of each to begin repairing and strengthening their marriage.  They are encouraged to both keep a physical copy in a place their children will not see it, but that they have to refer to multiple times a day, if necessary.

This “Marriage Extension Agreement” can usually be accomplished in about two sessions of two hours each.  Each session is $400.